Love yourself, old friend

Dear friend,

You didn’t love yourself and you thought being smart was the only way to be loved.

You didn't love yourself and felt like you didn't deserve anything good in life.

You didn't love yourself and tried to bring others down, making them feel unlovable, too.

You didn't love yourself and love, when offered, felt like a stranger you could not embrace.

Do you remember when we were listening to Shostakovich together?

Or when I couldn't stop hugging you?

I’m sure you’ve forgotten about the day you told me only a blind person could love me, or that time with the umbrella and fireworks.

Well, I have a good memory, so I do remember why I loved you so dearly.

I loved you not for your CV,

but because I didn’t care about things like that.

I loved you because I believed you deserved every hug I had to give.

I loved you for the sparkles in your eyes, like a sky scattered with stars.

But mostly, I loved you because I didn’t love myself.

And then yesterday, in therapy, I realized I’m a "Doubting Thomas," because I never believed I was truly lovable.

But today, I discovered something new. I love myself enough now to stop calling you 'my friend' and to write this letter in past tense.

Love yourself, old friend.