"Confessions of Zeno" by Italo Svevo

Everyone should have Matthias in life- he suggests good books and movies (broken leg is not mandatory;)) <3 So here I am, sharing my thoughts on the book:

The Last Cigarette

“I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ”

― Anaïs Nin

When did you give up on making resolutions? Or are you still holding onto them?

I gave up when I realized all I really wanted was a chill life. Resolutions—especially the ones I never actually achieved (and trust me, there were plenty, like "I’ll start a routine!" …No, Khatia, you won’t.. or when me and my friend decided not to drink alcohol in January:)) )—weren’t exactly helping with that. So, I just let them go.

The main character of the novel—Zeno—had plenty of resolutions too (he even had to move from one flat, cause the walls were full of his resolutions- a tomb of them):

"2 February, 1886. Today I finish my law studies and make up chemistry. Last cigarette!"

Is it possible to suffer from resolutions? Can we live without them? Of course, we can. Every year, we say, "This will be my year!"—and then what? What do we actually do to make it happen? Write it down in a journal? Pin it to a vision board? Do we really think that’s enough? I don’t think so. We pour so much energy into believing it that by the time it comes to doing something, we’re already drained.

  Also, there’s the risk of getting so caught up in resolutions that you lose sight of what actually matters. You become so focused on chasing some ideal version of yourself that you ignore the real, important, right now stuff happening around you.

The main character’s friend gives him a really solid piece of advice:

"he explained that I was really suffering from my resolutions much more than from the cigarettes. I ought to try and cure myself without making any resolutions. According to him my personality in the course of years had become divided in two. one of which gave orders while the other was only a slave which, directly the supervision was relaxed, disobeyed its master s orders out of sheer love of liberty. So that what I ought to do was to give it absolute freedom..."

But I guess if we don’t even realize we’re obsessed with something, there’s no real way to break free from it. Awareness is the first step and the main character is not in hurry to take this step and responsibilities on his own actions.

The Death of my Father

Parents—well, they do a lot for us. They give us love, care, and support. But at some point, we realize they also pass down traumas and patterns, sometimes without even meaning to. We either try our best to be like them or go in the complete opposite direction, but either way, their influence sticks with us—even when we’re supposedly grown-ups.

"I cannot help suspecting, though I have no scientific proof of it, that he lacked confidence in me just because I was his child; which, in itself, was quite enough—and here science supports me—to diminish my confidence in him." says the main character about his father.

*Little remark from me: For now I love "listening" to the main character, I like his manner of telling the story of his life.

Zeno thinks he has nothing in common with his father, but the reader? Well, we can see right through that. They’re actually more alike than he realizes. The son is doing his best to be “better,” to be different—but who can really judge him? We all do that, don’t we?

This chapter of the novel is not only about the relationship of father and son, it's also about Grief which most of the time is full of regrets and pain.

The Story of my Marriage

You’d think this chapter would start with a romantic story? maybe about how charming the heroine was or how ridiculously in love the main character got. Well, too bad, I have to disappoint you,  because to everyone’s surprise, it starts off with him talking about his father-in-law.

I won't write too much about this chapter because I don't want to give away any spoilers, but there are a few moments that really caught my attention and I'm going to throw them at you as some rhetorical questions:

• If falling in love was just a decision—like we choose to get married because we're "ready" to love—can it really be a genuine feeling?

• Zeno says "You see things less clearly when you open your eyes too wide", do you agree with him?

• He’s completely delusional. But then again, aren’t all lovers? (I hope NOOOOO)

• Why would anyone give this advice: "Choose a young wife; it will be easier for you to educate her to suit you"? Seriously, was this ever considered good advice?

*Another remark from me: While reading this chapter, I have to admit—I got a bit annoyed with him. He’s just so cringe.

Thanks to this book, I now know which philosopher I absolutely can’t stand- Otto Weininger. Turns out, he was a total misogynist- according to him women are less developed than men,  genius is exclusively a male trait and that women cannot reach intellectual or creative greatness and other bullshits.

*Remark: While reading, I sometimes forget that this novel isn’t postmodern.

Wife and Mistress

This chapter is the tale of a selfish man—Poor Cosini. Even in moments where he is objectively the villain, he somehow manages to paint himself as the victim. And when it’s time to take responsibility and do what any adult should do for themselves, he insists he’s doing it for others:

“One day I decided to make her a splendid present: I decided to work ! She wanted me to, and I also thought that work would be good for my health. “

Pipe Smoker-Eduard Zentsik

*Prospective remark: He is unbelievably annoying. The only redeeming quality? He’s at least honest with us. But of course he is—that’s the whole point of psychoanalysis. As the process unfolds, the person (or in this case, the character) slowly strips away their defenses and reveals their true colors.

The only similarity I found between myself and the main character for now is this:

"I have always loved talking to people I don’t know. I feel quite safe and sound with them; it is quite a rest to be with them." and I hope I won't find more :))

A Business Partnership

In the previous chapter, he was annoying. Now he’s just boring. Classic.

One thing I really can’t stand is double standards—and our main character is full of them. He wants to give moral advices to others… hilarious, honestly; I also can’t stand people who don’t have the guts to say or do things—especially when it comes to taking responsibility. And, surprise surprise, our main character is a pro at avoiding exactly that. As you’ve probably guessed by now, I really despise this man.

I won't even comment on it (We listen and we Judge):

"There is only one small difference of opinion between Augusta and me: what is the proper way of treating troublesome children. I always feel that a baby’s sufferings are less important than ours, and that it is worth while making it suffer if by that means a grown-up person can be saved a great deal of annoyance; she, however, takes the view that having brought children into the world we have got to put up with them."

René Magritte, La corde sensible, 1960

Psychoanalysis

Was I expecting more from him? Nope. In the last chapter, he behaves exactly as I imagined—true to himself, with zero self-awareness. It’s pretty ironic that his name is Zeno :))

I won’t spoil the ending for you, but I will say this—it’s absolutely perfect <3